Explanation

Ha ha, Ivy, you're hilarious.  For the record, if L'Oreal were stuck using my hair as a model, they would need tranquilizers to end their hysterics.
Despite my roommate's hacking habits, I think I owe anyone who happens to stumble across this an explanation.  Meaning: why I am stuck in my apartment.
I have a rather unusual problem.  There are many people that wouldn't call this a problem, including the one who started this whole mess in the first place.  These people are morons.  My problem: gems fall from my mouth when I speak.
Yes, you read that right, and trust me, the same won't happen for you no matter how far your jaw drops.  So close your mouth.
I can guess what you're thinking: how is this a problem?  You are set for life!  Well, think of it this way: I've become a walking gem mine.  Exploitation, much?  If anyone catches me, I will either a) be kidnapped by some super secret agency to fund the government, or b) be kidnapped by some super villain to fund their ridiculously costly maniacal plans.  I can no longer speak in public.  Which means I am now stuck in the apartment, letting Ivory do all the work, so I can avoid the crazy people who would get even crazier once they see me spitting emeralds.
Still think this is a good thing?  Then find a witch, and I will happily trade.
Though I have to admit, paying rent is much easier now.

Not all that glitters is gold.
Ruby